Merkel is back in the game: Germans support immigration after United Africa wins World Cup in Russia

Berlin, Germany

The victory of United Africa on Sunday in the World Cup final over Croatia brought a change of heart for the German people. With their football team shamefully leaving the competition in the group stage, Germans have watched in bewilderment how a group of skilled and talented young Africans brought victory to their western neighbour.

“Why, I would have never…you see, we are too strict on immigration. The French did a great job letting in so many immigrants. I think Frau Merkel was right to begin with” said Schmetterling  Seehofer, conservative and AfD supporter from Bavaria.

Monday morning could not have started better for Angela Merkel, as her approval ratings soared back to 70% . In a televised press conference, Ms. Merkel encouraged the xenophobic countries of Poland, Slovakia, the Czech Republic and especially Hungary to think twice when it comes to accepting the proposed EU refugee quota.

“It is enough to look at the performance of your football teams to see that your immigration strategy is detrimental to your national interest and you will never manage to qualify further than the group stages. Viktor (Orban) you know exactly what I’m talking about” said Ms. Merkel.

Sources for the Berlin Group revealed that England also attributed its failure in the World Cup to the higher than normal white men ratio in their team. Meanwhile, Croatian coach Zlatko Dalic said his team is already made up of refugees from the Serbian war but acknowledged that “at least one African man” would have won them the match.


Smog alert in Luxembourg: a German family is having a barbecue at the border

Luxembourg City, Luxembourg

The Luxembourg Environmental Agency (LEA) declared a nationwide smog alert in the small state of Luxembourg this morning after a German family lightened up a barbecue at the border.

“Everything was fine at 9am CET. But then the skies began to cloud and the smell of grilled meat encroached the whole country. We advised all the 20 people living in the country to stay indoors in our block of flats and keep their windows closed. We are coordinating with German authorities and we hope to reach a mutually beneficial solution by this evening” said Claude-Vert Juncker, head of LEA and brother of Jean-Claude Juncker.

The German family responsible for the catastrophic situation apologised at a press conference held at noon and said they should have taken more precaution when they went out to barbecue.

“We checked the weather last evening and the wind was not supposed to blow in the direction of Luxembourg. It seems meteorological conditions changed early morning today and we caused all this mess. We offered to give half of our barbecue goodies to the people of Luxembourg, I mean the Juncker family – we estimated this would be enough for them for a week so we hope it will make up to some extent…” said Andreas Wurst of Trier, husband, father of two and barbecue chef in Trier, Germany.

This is not the only ecological catastrophe affecting Luxembourg. Last month, a Belgian teenager spilled a pint of beer in the border town of Arlon and caused Luxembourg´s worst floods in 20 years.



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