Emanuel Macron will quit French Presidency and become Trade Minister in Saudi Arabia

Paris, France

In a shock press conference at the Elysee Palace in Paris, France, Emmanuel Macron announced a move that was not expected by anyone but which explains his recent declarations. Facing dozens of French and foreign journalists, Mr. Macron said he will step down as President of the Republic and become Saudi Arabia’s Trade Minister.

“Let us be honest. I have done nothing as President, save from nice speeches now and then. I’m not one to stay without results. My decision also comes from the fact that many European leaders and indeed French citizens, asked me to halt French weapons trade with the Saudis. I found that ridiculous, human rights and trade do not go hand in hand, I even wrote that in my masters thesis. So, you see, I cannot adhere to my personal principles if I ban weapons trade with the Saudis. If trade does not come to you, you go to trade, that’s what I think. And last but not least, the Saudis will pay me ten times more than I earn here, but that’s just details” said a smiling Macron.

Macron also lamented at how people overlooked his recent sanctions on Saudi Arabia, which consisted of selling more weapons to the Saudis. He further complained about US President Trump imposing bone saw trade restrictions to the Saudis.

“What Saudi Arabia needs is to modernise. Modernise its military industry, modernise its assassination techniques, modernise its cover-ups. People need to understand this and I think MBS (ed. Mohammed bin Salman, crown prince) is on the same page here” concluded Macron while climbing into the gold-plated Saudi helicopter that flew him from the Elysee Palace to Riyadh.

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Trump administration to impose bone saw export taxes to Saudi Arabia in retaliation for murdered journalist

Washington, D.C.

Only hours after Erdogan told the Turkish Parliament that Saudi Arabia premeditated Khashoggi’s murder, US President Donald Trump vouched retaliation for the “worst cover-up murder” of the Saudis. In a press conference on the Capitol Hill, Trump announced he will impose sanctions like no country has ever seen and promised that Saudis will feel the full force of US punishment.

“This is terrible, what they did is totally unacceptable and the US will not take more of this. This is bad. Really bad. Worst! So as of today, we’re imposing a 25% tax on bone saw exports. It will hit Saudi Arabia where it hurts them most: procurement of the centrepiece of their journalist assassination kit. Worst sanctions ever. They’ll come crawling back to us begging to lift those sanctions, I promise that.” said a visibly upset President Trump before taking questions from the journalists.

Answering the question of the Berlin Group correspondent on whether US is considering a weapon sales ban similar to that of Germany, Trump said there was no need for that.

“Let’s not jump to conclusions. Maybe they did it, maybe they didn’t do it. Could they have done it? Yes. Did they do it? Yes. Did they know about it? We don’t know. Banning weapons sales would be bad for America, bad for the American people. We don’t want that. We just want Saudi Arabia to stop murdering journalists with bone saws” concluded ┬áTrump.

US is the latest country to join an international wave on sanctions on the Saudis. Germany announced it will ban weapons sales, while France, the UK and Belgium sanctioned Saudi Arabia by selling them double the amounts of weapons they sell now.

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