In a lavish ceremony at the Hungarian Parliament, PM Viktor Orban announced his strategy for Hungary’s Christian and demographic rebirth. One of centrepiece measures? Tax exemption for mothers of four, if Orban is the children’s father. In his State of the Nation speech, Orban explained the logic behind his policy, which he named “Long-term sustenance of hungAryan genes”
“Hungary has been invaded by barbarians, by non-Christians. Arabs, Jews and even Romanians are roaming free in our forefathers’ lands thanks to the imperialist policy of the European Union. If Attila the Hun saw this, he would turn in his grave! That is why we need to be cautious and be careful about how we go about preserving the superior Hungarian gene pool. You all know me and you all know how pure of a Hungarian I am. Therefore it is only fair that I am the Father of the Nation and will happily bed all the willing Hungarian women. Only in this way can we guarantee the genetic purity of future generations” said Viktor Orban in front of a cheering Parliament crowd, while Hungarian housewives were weeping with joy in front of the TVs.
In Brussels, European leaders asked Hungary’s Foreign Affairs Minister Peter Szijjarto how will Orban actually cope with fathering demands when everyone knows he has a small penis. Mr. Szijjarto explained that while PM Orban’s penis is indeed minuscule, the PM is nevertheless an “excellent wanker”. The Berlin Group understands that Orban’s genetic material resulting from this unique skill will be used in national fertilisation clinics.
While the fertilisation programme is now optional and incentivised by tax breaks, governmental sources told the Berlin Group that in the future Orban fertilisation will be mandatory for every woman who turns 18. Also, abortions will be made illegal and punishable by death. Same punishment will apply to marrying anyone who is not a pure Hungarian specimen, which should be shown on his “Pure Hungarian Specimen” certificate, released by the Research Institute for hungAryan Genetics”.