Only hours after Hungary’s Prime Minister Viktor Orban boosted on social media that he got himself a brand new rhinoceros, the visibly distressed animal managed to escape Orban’s shed and run free through the streets of Budapest, the Hungarian capital. The Ecuadorian Ambassador was quick to spot the animal while eating a dinner gulash with her husband in downtown Budapest. She immediately called home and suggested Ecuador offers asylum to the rhinoceros. The Ecuadorian President was quick to say yes, willing to keep the reputation of his country as one that offers shelter to those in need, unless they have a cat.
“I was eating some gulash, minosegi dish, they cook great stuff at this place close to St. Istvan Basilica you know, although customer service is rubbish. Anyway, I see this rhinoceros and from the terrified look on his face I know in an instant that he’s been around Orban. You can tell, you know, that man stinks both physically and morally. Of course we had to provide asylum as soon as possible, exotic animals are the last ones with some hope in this country” said Maria del Carmen Gonzalez Cabal, Ecuadorian Ambassador in Hungary.
The rhinoceros was immediately taken to the Ecuadorian Embassy for a medical test and hoofprinting. The veterinary on guard told the Berlin Group that the animal suffered from severe post-traumatic stress disorder, cause by being in contact with illiberalism, fascism and a highly toxic air composition. The toxicity has already proven to come from e-coli and other faeces bacteria, produced when Viktor Orban is talking.
Contacted by the Berlin Group, Viktor Orban was in a visible state of accentuated anger. He shouted in Hungarian for 10 full minutes. The only things we were able to understand were “Stop Soros”, “geci” and “fasz”. We will be back with updates, if any.