FBI director sacked and sent to Europe because he confessed being vegan

Washington D.C., US

FBI director James Comey was sacked today in a shock move by President Putin Trump. The reasons for his firing are still unclear and some have argued it might have to do with the investigation Comey was making into the links between Russia and the Trump campaign. Reliable inside sources, however, told The Berlin Group the truth could be nowhere farther.

“Comey disregarded every advice he got from the top FBI management. Everyone knows that you can´t expect the FBI to be respected in and outside the US if the director is vegan. That´s not how it works, it´s a matter of national security and that´s why Comey being vegan has been one of the US best kept secrets. But then he had to come out…” said one of our sources.

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During a press conference yesterday, Comey told reporters he was vegan. Reporters initially chuckled and told him it was a good joke, just to be told back that “at the FBI, we don´t do jokes”. In a later tweet, President Trump said Comey almost cause a Russian invasion, later explaining to staff at the White House that “we all know Russians. They´re ferocious meat eaters, they hold their alcohol well, we need someone in the FBI at that level. Comey should go to Europe where he´ll fit right in. No one takes EU´s foreign policy seriously, they´re all vegans!”

Asked what they thought about FBI Director being vegan, 95% of the US citizens asked “what is vegan?” while having their usual McLunch.

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