Growing population not a problem anymore as plans reveal agriculture will be irrigated from melting ice caps

World leaders were pleasantly surprised to learn from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) that although millions of people will drown and plenty of islands will disappear due to climatic changes, the water from melting polar ice caps can be used for agriculture.

“I thought glaciers were made of seawater too. If only I had this invaluable knowledge that water from ice caps can be used for agriculture, I would have pushed for an Obama Careless about Climate Change programme during my presidency. But to be fair, I think Donald will do this better and faster” said Obama in one of his last speeches as US President.

The news were also well received by industry representatives in the oil industry, who are now hoping to build pipelines from Greenland to UK & mainland Europe, Greenland to Canada & the US but also from Antarctica to Argentina (and then further to Canada & the US) and Australia.

“This is just magic” said Kelcy L. Warren, CEO of Energy Transfer Partnership, currently building the Dakota Access Pipeline. “We are heading at a fast pace towards an era of great opportunities. First, we will build megapipeline projects to supply water to the neediest regions of the world: US, Canada and Europe. After the ice caps melt and we´re done with the water, we´ll start pumping oil from underneath Greenland and Antarctica”.

antarctica-2050

CEOs of Saudi Aramco, China´s National Petroleum Company, Exxon Mobil and Shell said they´re delighted to hear the new piece of scientific evidence and vouched to launch strategic partnerships with Energy Transfer and other similar companies in the quest for building pipelines. In a surprise move, Ellon Musk said he´s ready to get on board:

“We need to get outside our silos. Conventional pipelines are such a 20th century thing. I will build hyperloops from Greenland and Antarctica to California. Maybe also to Nevada. We all know these are the two neediest regions on the planet” said the billionaire on Sunday.

UPDATE: After the euphoria from early on Sunday, tensions between world leaders escalated quickly after Vladimir Putin invaded Greenland and the US “intervened” in Antarctica on suspicions that the Australians were secretly preparing a nuclear bomb. The world is, once again, in a Cold War but IPCC scientists ensured that this is just temporary. “World population should not worry, temperatures are set to rise dramatically next decade”, read the latest press release from the IPCC.

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